Chicken Crap Catapult, New Home Security Unit

From the Chicken Castles of Merry Ole England, comes a new breed of hero who defends his property by firing Chicken Poop Projectiles at criminal trespassers!


70-year-old Joe Weston-Webb, a former stuntman, loaded a 30-foot Catapult with chicken crap to demonstrate the power of his dung deterrent to local news hounds and German TV news. Unfortunately, his Chicken Crap Catapult failed to spray the farm feces far and wide. The bag of chicken crap landed in a steaming pile of poop six-feet away from his flooring business.

superchicken.jpgSuper Chicken believes the Sheriff of Nottinghamshire is protecting Robin Hood and his merry band of vandals. According to British Newspeak, the Nottinghamshire Sheriff is prepared to prosecute Mr. Watson-Webb if he uses the catapult to defend his property against arsonists and robbers!

Mr. Watson-Webb also modified a 20-foot long cannon to fire rubber-tipped railroad ties at the yobs (British-speak for thug) claiming he is not “out to kill anyone or even hurt them.” Since the average American 8.5-foot long railroad tie weighs 257 pounds, rubber-tipping railroad ties will not soften the blow when a 257-pound missile strikes someone!

P.S. Although this humorous post explores the irony of a chicken crap weapon and his cannon missiles, many Brits believe the police are not tough on the criminals according to the comments in the news report.

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Miss Moneypenny reporting for the Undercover Times

About Miss Moneypenny

Contrarian Comedienne who creates Photoshop Political Satire and comedy.

Posted on March 27, 2008, in Humor, Poop Scoop, Strange Science and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

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    I probably will remark Sanity is a madness put to good use. or might A man either lives life as it happens to him meets it head-on and licks it or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.

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    I have been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  3. home security should be the first priority of everyone because we should always protect our assets.*`

  4. The problem with guns is that if the criminal suspects that the property owners and the police are carrying guns, then they will carry guns, increasing the chance of an innocent or a property owner being shoot… is it 11300 people a year who are killed int he USA? Although I freely admit that people should be able to somewahat be able to defend them self!

    • Miss Moneypenny

      Hi Mikael,

      In the U.S., statistics show the crime rate is much lower in States where the criminals know home owners have the right-to-carry (concealed) handguns.

      For example, the Violent Crime rate of Burlington, Vermont is 0.59 times the National Average. Furthermore, studies show robbery and rape victims who resist with a gun cut their risks of injury in half.

      According to my research, Gun Control Equals Crime Control is a myth.

      The highest crime rates, especially violent crimes rates, occur in cities with the most restrictive firearm laws:

      For example, here are some of the Violent Crime rates for cities with the most restrictive firearm laws that were compiled by the FBI in 2003 –

      New York City is 1.23 times the National Average,

      Chicago, Illinois is 2.18 times the National Average,

      Los Angeles, California is 2.13 times the National Average, and

      Washington, D.C. is 2.63 times the National Average.

      P.S. Gun Control does NOT prevent criminals from using illegal (and concealed) guns to attack their innocent victims.

    • What a dork…. If someone wants to kill you they will do it with a baseball bat, hockey stick, a chunk of lumber or a frozen leg of lamb.

      If they think I may have a gun, they will not come to my house. you state that 11,300 people are killed a year with guns in the US. How many would be killed without them. Besides guns can be home made and if you outlaw guns, criminals will have them and they will prey on everyone.

  5. Are you escalating the Caffeine Donut Glow Balls Battle? 😉

  6. Poop Scoop Madness WHAM … my new donut launcher ready

  7. Hi Doughnut Control 0007,

    We thought you might like the plan! 😀

  8. hmmmm … interesting ploy Moneypenny. I like it!! 🙂

  9. Hi James,

    Building a better American Chicken Crapapult to compete with the Brits for a safer neighborhood? 😉

  10. I am attempting to create one in my garage!

  11. Hi Agent Laketrees,

    I can see the new British Weather Reports on UK TV: the Forecast for this Sunday’s picnic is Raining cats and dogs with brief periods of chicken crap torrential downpours! 🙂

    After digging for geoduck clams, Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel volunteered to help Super Chicken collect the chicken crap under the coop for this investigative report! 😉

  12. hehehe Miss MP…
    I think there are quite a few Brits who would line up to join this hero….
    great investigative journalism by Super Chicken !!

  13. Hi cheddarben,

    Perhaps, Britain has outlawed gun ownership?

    I agree with you: owning a gun would be the most effective solution!

    P.S. Thank you for sharing your humorous blog with us! LMAO @ Itemized bill for a $4200 hooker! 🙂

  14. Why use a chicken crapapolt when he could just buy a gun. Criminals are usually scared of firearms.

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