New Birth Control Product

Apparently, British female scientists, who have problems with unwanted pregnancy, have created a new product to control Snakus Williuserectus, a small venomous snake commonly called the Bed Snake.

Loading Bed Snake Bat

Price: £2.99 / €4.29/ $6.10

According to their product page:

“The Bed Snake is found throughout the world and it’s favoured habitat is the bedroom. For much of the time it remains dormant, but don’t let this wrinkled reptile deceive you! On being approached it will be roused into action, and its fearsome venom has few known antidotes.

Now, utilizing cutting edge technology, we have created the remarkable contraceptive device, the Bed Snake Bat.

Instructions for use:
Be armed at all times. On sighting Bed Snake, give it a forearm smash with the Bed Snake Bat, followed by two or three more for luck, if in any doubt at all, perhaps one more again?!”

Seems like the British women have gone Batty in a effort to tame their Bed Snake. After a few solid whacks, the Bed Snake will retreat under-the-covers for the rest of the night until the Bed Snake pitches a tent in the morning!

For American women, Elizabeth Pennisi has recommended using the product to replace the bed snake as an alternate safe reliable birth control measure. Kill two birds with one bat… a male enhancement and male replacement product combined into one 😉

Disclaimer: Elizabeth Pennisi is a fictional woman not to be confused with the real life Elizabeth Pennisi, a news writer for a Science magazine.

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Miss Moneypenny reporting for the Undercover Times

About Miss Moneypenny

Contrarian Comedienne who creates Photoshop Political Satire and comedy.

Posted on June 13, 2008, in Humor, Strange Science and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. Hi Rev,

    Will wearing a Shock Doctor Titan Flex metal athletic cup help eliminate painful reading and Bed Snake sores in the Batter’s Box? 😉

  2. Good Lord that’s painful just to READ about!

  3. Hi Agent Wendy,

    Slick Willy Wonka invented digital calorie free chocolates using aphrodisiac cacao beans! 🙂

    Monica Lewinsky tested Slick Willy Wonka’s SweeTARTS in the Oral Orifice. During the Oral Documentary of Willygate, Slick Willy Wonka was eating his Laffy Taffy when he said, “It depends on what the meaning of the words ‘is’ is.”

    This was the defining moment of aphrodisiac digital calorie free chocolates used in their sexual/non-sexual Lewd-In-Sky relationship. 😀

  4. And of course, after all of this S & M and lemon juice and spooning, they all eat calorie free chocolates. Here! I’m sending you some right now.
    They’re endowed with aphrodisiac qualities, yes?


  5. Hi James “On the Run,”

    Spoons might be used to prevent the Spooning Sex Position?

    Hopefully, Agent Laketrees will provide further details?

  6. Hi Agent Laketrees,

    Do the Australian nurses play Organ music by tapping metal spoons on their male patient’s chopstick? 😉

  7. too funnee Miss MP…
    reminds me of the story of nurses using metal spoons on their male patients !!!

  8. Hi Chelle B, The Offended Blogger,

    After batting the frank and beans, this versatile slugger has multiple uses to keep us happy! 😉

  9. Hey, I like that! It could also come in handy for killing spiders and disciplining unruly neighbor children. 🙂

  10. Hi Olga, the Traveling Bra,

    Sounds like you need the new B.R.A. (Bat Ready Alert) security system installed under-the-covers! 😀

  11. OMG! I hope to GAWD I don’t run into any of them demon bed snakes! Thank GAWD I am currently in England! I’m gittin me a BAT toDAY!

  12. Hi Agent Wendy,

    S and M for “Sex and Men” toys or the S&M secret society toys? 😉

    Makes one wonder how the students cleaned a tarnished penis?

    Do they use Battery acid to give the Bed Snake a charge out of life?
    Do they use Lemon Juice and salt to give the Bed Snake that lemon fresh feeling?
    Do they use Vinegar and salt to relieve the sexual itching of the Bed Snake?

  13. In California we call those things “S and M toys”.

    When I was teaching, a team of us teachers were judging the science fair. Many children had done an experiment on pennies, trying various solutions to clean their pennies. Then they published their findings:

    “The things you can use to clean your penis are … ” LOL. Good old phonics.

  1. Pingback: Debbie Clemens Ponders her Pruning Decision « Miss Moneypenny CPU

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