New Birth Control Product

Apparently, British female scientists, who have problems with unwanted pregnancy, have created a new product to control Snakus Williuserectus, a small venomous snake commonly called the Bed Snake.

Price: £2.99 / €4.29/ $6.10

According to their product page:

“The Bed Snake is found throughout the world and it’s favoured habitat is the bedroom. For much of the time it remains dormant, but don’t let this wrinkled reptile deceive you! On being approached it will be roused into action, and its fearsome venom has few known antidotes.

Now, utilizing cutting edge technology, we have created the remarkable contraceptive device, the Bed Snake Bat.

Instructions for use:
Be armed at all times. On sighting Bed Snake, give it a forearm smash with the Bed Snake Bat, followed by two or three more for luck, if in any doubt at all, perhaps one more again?!”

Seems like the British women have gone Batty in a effort to tame their Bed Snake. After a few solid whacks, the Bed Snake will retreat under-the-covers for the rest of the night until the Bed Snake pitches a tent in the morning!

For American women, Elizabeth Pennisi has recommended using the product to replace the bed snake as an alternate safe reliable birth control measure. Kill two birds with one bat… a male enhancement and male replacement product combined into one 😉

Disclaimer: Elizabeth Pennisi is a fictional woman not to be confused with the real life Elizabeth Pennisi, a news writer for a Science magazine.

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Miss Moneypenny reporting for the Undercover Times