Tongue Texting for Safe Driving?

Can you keep both hands on the steering wheel, concentrate on the traffic, and use Tongue Texting for safe driving?


Image source: Pippa Garner’s “Ms. Goodwrench” cartoon for Car and Driver Magazine, March 2009 edition

Ms. Goodwrench also claims Tongue Texting is a safe way to practice oral sex while driving around the town. How fast can you Tongue Text, ‘the apple falls from the tree for free?’

Is Ms. Goodwrench married to the famous Hollydale trucker, Speedy Speedcat?

In closing, Tongue Texting may have prevented the Subway crash on Boston’s Green Line caused by Texting Trolley Driver, Aidan Quinn. The Transman (a female-to-male transformer and a pun for Trains-man) admitted he was texting his girlfriend when he rear-ended a trolley and injured 49 people on May 8th.

For the safety of commuters, Daniel A. Grabauskas, the general manager of the MBTA, will fire any T operators caught carrying a cellphone, pager, or similar device.
Hopefully, the new rules will stop the Transman’s Gear
from entering another Trains’ Rear.

*For your reading and laughing pleasure, you may also like these related posts…

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Miss Moneypenny reporting for the Undercover Times

About Miss Moneypenny

Contrarian Comedienne who creates Photoshop Political Satire and comedy.

Posted on June 10, 2009, in Bizarre, Humor, Satire, Strange Science and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I cant even text properly with both hands!

  2. OOOOooooh!…can I get one of these mailed to me here in Brazil where I am I am STILL attending the Advanced Beaver Waxing and Taming Seminar?

  3. I played the flute in the Phil Donahue Harmonic ???

    • Miss Moneypenny

      Hi Speedy,

      You raised your flûte for That Girl in the Phil Donahue Harmonic? 😀

      P.S. Google was close to my English sentence:
      Does French Kissing a text pad excite and increase your flute?

      French Kissing-t-il un texte pad exciter et augmenter votre flûte? is the French code for:

      Does French Kissing a text pad excite and raise your flute?

      The French word, ‘augmenter,’ can mean enhance, expand, get bigger, grow, increase, or raise.

  4. WHERE DO I ORDER ??!!!??!!!

    If you can type without lookin` … you can tongue text.

    En conduiant une voiture ma langue est toujours occupée. Les marques pour une bonne date et grand pépie !

    • Miss Moneypenny

      Hi Speedy,

      Do you read how the French language is translated back to English using Google and Yahoo?

      En conduiant une voiture ma langue est toujours occupée. Les marques pour une bonne date et grand pépie !

      Google Translate:
      “Lead in a car my mother is always busy. The marks for a good time and great thirst!”

      Yahoo Babel Fish:
      By conduiant a car my language is always occupied. Marks for a good date and large pépie!

      Miss Moneypenny’s best guess:
      My (meaning Your) language is always occupied while driving a car. You chirp big for a good date.

      Is your French as rusty as mine? … Can you translate this…

      French Kissing-t-il un texte pad exciter et augmenter votre flûte? 😉

      P.S. To construct your own Dandy Don Device, I’m sure Doctor Shoal will let you borrow his tongue depressor and harmonica stand from his oral sex lab! :mrgreen:

    • I thought you already had one of these! That would explain some of your tweets. 😉

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