Ass Kicker-in-Chief of Barack Petroleum

We interrupt the regular schedule of this Blog to broadcast an urgent message from the Ass Kicker-in-Chief of Barack Petroleum…

Loading LandFish Ass Kicker
Image Source: ©2010 Miss Moneypenny Satire Click to Enlarge Image
At Barack Petroleum,
we’re committed to Kicking Ass
until Sea Kittens look like me.

Since my political satire can be subtle, President Barack Obama wanted to “know whose ass to kick” during the exclusive “Today” show interview which aired on June 8, 2010. Apparently, Landfish Obama doesn’t realize the magnitude of his crisis(1): 55 Days of leaking Oil has ass kicked the marine life in the Gulf and Americans who rely on the fishing industry(2).

The ‘Sea Kittens’ PETA principle was used in my political satire to note the silence of PETA in the media. For more information on PETA’s Sea Kittens, please visit PETA’s Best Feathered Friends: Chicken of the Sea Kittens.

Barack Petroleum is a play on British Petroleum to note the conflict of interest between Obama, his administration, and British Petroleum as noted in the previous post: Barack Petroleum could have Sealed the Oil Spill in 8-hours (3)

For Music Monday, Obama sings his Kick Ass Song

Music Video Background

Obama’s Hip Hop Rap Single was produced by the Gregory Brothers with Matt Lauer and Sarah Gregory contributing their vocals.

You can purchase the mp3 of Obama’s Ass-Kicking Experts at Auto-Tune the News.


talk to the experts
So I know whose ass to kick
So I know whose ass to ki-i-ick
So I–So I know whose ass to kick

You know, when you talk to fishermen on the verge of tears,
gets you frustrated
There has not been an idea that we have not evaulated
I would love to vent–I would love to shout and holler
But my main job is to solve the problem
This happens and turns out they’ve had no idea what they’re doin
We’ve just gotta keep on movin, pushin and movin, we’re gonna get through it
People, they’re upset and they have every right to be
The best possible service from me is ass-KICKin
If it’s the last thing I do, I’ma kick BP’s ass
This is gonna be a very, very difficult task


Mr. T / Expert
Chuck Norris / Expert
Bruce Lee / Expert
Bruce Willis / Expert
Betty White / Expert
Al Pacino / Expert
Tinky Winky……………Expert

Jack Bauer / Expert
Jackie Chan / Expert
Darth Vader / Expert
Peter Pan / Expert
Genghis Khan / Expert
Batman / Expert
THE LOLLIPOP GUIIIIIIIIILD / Ya know, I have to tell ya…expert

Loading TOTUS Brain
Photo Source: TOTUS Pick Your Nose
At Barack Petroleum, we’re picking our Brains to find new ways to plug the Hole
To view related tweets, please click Here.
After 18 months of forty winks, Jon ‘Van Winkle’ Stewart finally Wakes Up?
“All that Power You didn’t like when someone else had it… you decided to keep it” – Jon Stewart,
“Respect My Authoritah”, The Daily Show, Jun 15, 2010

Vodpod videos no longer available.

*For your reading and laughing pleasure, you may also like these related posts…


(1) 93 million gallons of crude oil have leaked into the Gulf of Mexico over the last 55 days. Governments scientists are currently estimating that 1.68 million gallons or 40,000 barrels of oil (40 times the original estimate) have been leaking every day which is the equivalent of the Exxon Valdez Oil spill every five days. The 1989 Exxon Valdez was the previous worst oil spill disaster in U.S. History.

According to Steve Wereley, Fluid Mechanics Professor at Purdue Univ, the oil well leak (with a well pressure of 23,000 psi* at the top of the Oil Reservoir, 18,000 feet below sea level) is gushing 70,000 barrels or 2.94 million gallons of oil per day.

V= Volume of the Oil Flow
r = radius of the pipe = 10.5 inches = 0.875 feet
v = estimated flow rate for the oil = 2 feet per second
t = time period of the leak, 1 day = 86,400 sec

V= 3.14*0.875f^2*2f/s*86,400 sec = 415,632 cubic feet / day
V = 415,632 cubic feet / 5.6146 cubic feet = 74,027 barrels per day

Breaking news: On Day 57 of Barack Petroleum’s Oil Spill and the eve of the Ass Kicker-in-Chief’s address, Governments Scientists have revised their estimate of the BP’s oil gusher. They currently estimate BP’s ruptured well is leaking between 35,000 and 60,000 barrels or between 1.47 million and 2.52 million gallons a day of oil per day. Source: CBS News, June 15, 2010

According to Section 7.1 “Worst-Case Scenario Determination” of BP’s Initial Exploration Plan, the worst-case scenario of a Uncontrolled Blowout at the Macondo Well (location of the Deepwater Horizon Rig at Mississippi Canyon Bloc 252) is 162,000 barrels per day.

The Minerals Management Service received Barack Petroleum’s Initial Exploration Plan on Feb 23, 2009 during the ‘transparent’ secret administration of Barack Obama. Since April 20, Fluke Fishwalker of Barack Petroleum has known the well pressure producing the uncontrolled volume of crude oil flowing into the Gulf.

*According to Robert Kennedy Jr, the well was drilled 25,000 feet deep:

sea water: 5000 ft deep x .4444 psi/ft pressure gradient= 2222 psi
salt layer: 2626 ft of x .6248 psi/ft pressure gradient = 1,641 psi
bedrock: 17,374 ft x 1.08325 psi/ft pressure gradient = 18,820 psi
total pressure at the top of the Oil Reservoir: 22,683 psi at 25,000 feet deep

BP claims their exploration well was drilled 18,000 feet deep
total pressure at the top of the Oil Reservoir: 15,100 psi at 18,000 feet deep

Would Barack Petroleum accurately measure the Gulf Oil Spill to a fraction of a Barrel if BP was selling the oil from the Macondo Well?

The Smoking Gun?
Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen estimates the Oil Pressure of the Macondo oil gusher is 9,000 psi at the top of the oil reservoir:

Oil density: 53.69 lbs/f3 divided by 144 = .3728 psi/ft pressure gradient
9,000 psi divided by .3728 psi/ft pressure gradient = 24,142 feet deep

total oil well pressure at 24,142 ft = 21,753 psi
minus the pressure of sea water at 24,142 ft x .4444 psi/ft = 10,729 psi
minus the oil pressure from the reservoir to the seabed 19,142 ft x .3728 psi/ft = 7,136 psi
equals the oil pressure at the WellHead: 3,888 psi (vs Allen’s estimate of 3,500 psi )

Apparently, Admiral Thad Allen’s estimate confirms that Barack Petroleum drilled deeper than 18,000 feet.

The pressure equations indicate that BP (both British and Barack Petroleum) knew the Oil pressures and the Oil Flow rates before the catastrophic oil spill at BP’s Macondo Well in the Gulf of Mexico.

(2) The Gulf Oil Disaster has increased environmental hazards to crabs, fish especially marlin and swordfish, and shrimp. Ironically, Louisiana’s effort to push back the Gulf Oil spill by increasing the flow of fresh water in the marshland has threatened the oyster beds and closed P&J Oyster Company, America’s oldest Oyster Shucker.

Barack Petroleum’s Wildlife Death Toll: 770 dead birds, 341 dead sea turtles, 41 dead mammals ~ Source: Fish & Wildlife Collection Report: June 15, 2010

Oil Spill region and endangered Wildlife (red)

BP has sprayed Corexit EC9500A and Corexit EC9527A to break up the oil slick. Dead Zones have been formed by the crude oil and 800,000 gallons of the toxic chemical dispersant which will endanger marine life for years.

(3) Based on the Government’s oil spill estimate, Barack Petroleum could be fined $2.4 billion ($1,100 per Barrel of Oil spilled under the Clean Water Act). If Barack Petroleum was found to have committed gross negligence or willful misconduct then the civil fine could be as high as $4,300 per barrel or $9.5 billion.

For more information on who is responsible for what happens on federal property, please click Here.

*Note: Miss Moneypenny posts Political Satire on Twitter at and Twitpic at Readers can also view my tweets and Twitter conversations at

My WordPress Blog will be used to archive selected Political Satire tweets.

Related Tweets:

moneypenny008 Miss Moneypenny Jun 13, 06:22 PM Ass Kicker-in-Chief of Barack Petroleum #Obama #OilSpill #tcot

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[World Wide News Flash] Barack Obama

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Miss Moneypenny reporting for the Undercover Times

About Miss Moneypenny

Contrarian Comedienne who creates Photoshop Political Satire and comedy.

Posted on June 13, 2010, in Humor, Music Monday, Political Humor, Political News, Political Satire, Presidential Phun and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Miss Moneypenny

    Since the Footnotes of this post are longer than intended, the constants used in the pressure equations and the Flow Rate will be posted in this comment…

    33° API Gravity Crude Oil:

    density = 860 kg/m3 / 16.01846 = 53.69 lbs/ft3
    6.436 gals/cubic foot

    53.69 lbs/ft3 x 5.6146 cubic feet /barrel = 301.4 lbs /barrel
    7.3137 barrels per metric tonne – 2204.622 lbs/7.3137 = 301.4 lbs/barrel

    Pressure Gradient = 860 kg/m3 / 16.01846 = 53.688 lbs/f3 / 144 = .3728 psi /ft

    specific gravity, sg = .860
    Fluid’s viscosity = .326 dyne sec/cm^2 @39F (4C)

    Pressure gradients = density/144 square inches

    Sea water 1025.18 kg/m3 @25C / 16.01846 = 64 lbs/cu.ft
    Pressure gradient = 64 lbs/cu.ft / 144 = .4444 psi /ft

    Salt Rock Pressure gradient = 89.97 lbs/cu.ft / 144 = .6248 psi / ft
    Since BP has not published the geology at their well, an average 2,626 feet of salt exists in the Gulf of Mexico geology.

    Bedrock Pressure gradient = 155.988 lbs/cu.ft / 144 = 1.08325 psi/ft
    The Bedrock consists of sandstone and shale.


    Flow Rate:

    FR = (Pi (R^4) (P – Po))/(8 N L)

    FR is the volumetric flow rate
    Pi = 3.14159
    R is the radius of the pipe, = 10.5 inches = 4.136 cm
    P is the fluid pressure at one end of L, = 9,000 psi = 6.205 x 10^8 dyne/cm^2
    Po is the fluid pressure at one end of L, = 3,500 psi =2.41 x 10^8 dyne/cm^2
    N is the fluid’s viscosity, = .326 dyne sec/cm^2 @39F (4C)
    L is the length of the pipe, = 19,000 feet = 579,120 cm

    Flow Rate = ((3.14159)(4.136)^4(6.205 – 2.41) x 10^8)/(8 (0.326)(579,120 cm))
    = 3.14 x 292.6 x 3.795 x10^8/1,510,344.96
    = 3.48848×10^11/1,510,344.96
    = 230,972 cm^3/sec divided by 1,000 cm^3 = 231 liters/sec divided by 28.3 = 8.16 f3/sec

    8.16 f3/sec x 6.436 gals/f3 = 52.53 gallons/sec /42 gallons/barrel = 1.25 barrels/sec x 60 = 75 barrels per min x 60 = 4500 barrels per hour x 24 = 108,000 barrels per day.

    Ironically, BP said they have the capability to respond to the worst-case spill scenario of 162,000 barrels per day.

    Note: The viscosity of 33 degree API Gravity Crude Oil was estimated using the information from The Engineering Toolbox:

    Crude oil 32.6° API
    kinematic viscosity = 23.2 CentiStokes @ 60F
    kinematic viscosity = 7.1 CentiStokes @ 130F

    and the BP estimate of 100,000 barrels per day if the blowout preventer and wellhead are removed.

    32.6 CentiStokes/100 = .326 dyne sec/cm^2 @ 40F

  2. Miss Moneypenny

    Thank you for the Trackback 🙂

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